Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
