I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Randomize
