I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
