i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
