Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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