i need an iv and a liver transplant
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
