I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
