My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
