There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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