Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Randomize
