Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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