I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
