cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.