he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was like eating out sand paper
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
