Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
