Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
