3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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