are you so shy because you have an std?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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