we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
