I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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