Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
