I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
