Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
