Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize