I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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