WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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