We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
