Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
