That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
