Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
