Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
