dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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