In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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