Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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