need another drink. this is the easiest way
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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