I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
