One girl and one boy is just not enough.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
