I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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