life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
