I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
