That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Alive.
So much puke
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
