My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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