bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
