So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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