the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
