i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
