All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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