I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
