what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
