At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
