Can Purell be used as lube?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
