oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
