I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize