I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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