I heard we made out
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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