My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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