Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize