Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Toronto

The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.

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(912): View more from Georgia

He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.

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(417): View more from Missouri

I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line

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(650): View more from California

Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.

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(541): View more from Oregon

It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"

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(44): View more from United Kingdom

I think he just caught a duck in mid flight

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

He just brought a live lobster to the party.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.

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