He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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