Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
