his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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