Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
