Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
