Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
