my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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