I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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