you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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