you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
