before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
