You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
