All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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