My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
