I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
