I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
