When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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