dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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