so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
