listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize